Never Let Me Go: a memoir

book cover

My memoir was released today. Buy your copy by clicking here. 


A Vigil for Justice: Episode Fifty-six


A Vigil for Justice, is a serial thriller fiction novel. Updates of 1,000-1,500 words will be posted every Friday.

Recap: Sixteen-year-old Melanie Craig and her family live in the small Colorado mountain town of Blue River. Since the end of World War Three, the economy in the United States has dropped out making funding law enforcement impossible and increasing crime rates in all, but the smallest towns. The government passes a Law allowing anyone over 16 to kill three other people during their life. Vigilante justice doesn’t seem like the right solution to Melanie, but she has no choice other than to learn how to protect herself and her family.

Melanie’s sleep was fitful to the point where neither she nor Mitchel slept much. He spent much of the night stroking her hair while she listened to the gentle da-doom of his heart.

Mitchel laced his charcoal 9 mm onto his well-worn leather belt securing it to his left hip and buried an eight-inch serrated hunting knife into the top of his right boot. As he stood, Melanie combed his coarse, near black hair with her fingers.

“You ready to get back out there?” He stroked her cheek with his thumb.

“Yes.” As the words left her lips, she knew she wasn’t. In some ways she agreed with Seth at least about planting themselves here at the wooded edge of Ogden, Utah. “No, No, I’m really not.”

His lips smiled, but his eyes said something very different. Not fear, but uncertainty. Not now Mitchel, she thought, I need you to be strong. I need you to be certain we are trundling in the right direction.

“The safe zone is the right thing to do,” he said. They slipped out of the door for their last breakfast with Zachariah and Ryan. She fluttered her eyes against the intensity of the early rising sun.

Despite the sun dots in her vision, she found her mother fussing with the final packing of the van.

“You coming to get breakfast?” Melanie asked.

The sun singled out the silver woven into her mother’s hair. “After I get this all to fit in some reasonable way,” Jennifer called over her shoulder.

Sam was pulling a slobber soaked tennis ball out of Daisy’s jaws with two fingers.

“That’s just gross, Beauty.” Sam crumpled her whole face.

Sam had been calling her Beauty for the past few days and it always brought the image of her little sister snuggled up against Seth rippling through her head and raising chicken flesh over her arms.

Mitchel rubbed her arms and then cupped her hands in his and blew heat into them.

Melanie pulled her hoodie over her head. Her arms wandered until they found their tunnels. Mitchel took her hand as the gravel pressed into the soles of their feet. She needed new shoes again, but there was no way they were all going to play Old Maid with their lives.

Sizzling potatoes greeted them as they pushed open the solid wood door. Zachariah sat at the table turning the catchup bottle a quarter turn, around and around. His eyes fixed, but his thoughts in another land. He didn’t look up when they slumped into their chairs.

“Thought you could use some good food before you began your journey,” Ryan said. “Scrambled or poached eggs?”

“Scrambled,” Melanie and Mitchel, said in unison.

Zachariah’s walnut eyes rise. “I have something for each of you.”

He returns from a back room and holds out both of his closed hands one toward each of them. He presses a cool stone into Melanie’s hand as his right hand does the same with Mitchel.

His eyes hold hers. “For inner strength.”

She opens her hand finding a quarter sized orange-red stone carved with a bear paw resting in the center of her hand.

“Leadership,” Zachariah said to Mitchel.

Melanie leaned over. A deep blue stone with a bear sat in the center of Mitchel’s rough hand.

“Thank you,” Melanie said.

It was finally warm enough for Melanie to tug off her hoodie.

Ryan mussed Sam’s hair and stroked Daisy’s head. “You two heathens be good for your mamas.”

Sam tiger bounced over to the van.

Melanie hugged Zachariah, thanking him once again for the gift.

She sidestepped and wrapped her arms around Ryan. “Will you follow?” Her voice was barely audible.

He let out a deep breath, which brushed across her neck. “I cannot abandon my father. I am sorry.”

Her stomach capsized. How could he abandon them? She clenched the lids of her eyes together. She let go of him and nodded her head. She would have made the same decision were it her on his side of the gate.

Jennifer slid open the side door of the van. Sam and Daisy sprang in. “Bye. See you later,” Sam little hand waved side to side like the pendulum of a tolling grandfather clock.

She pulled herself into Mitchel’s pickup truck and leaned her elbow out the window. Mitchel was already waiting inside. He turned the key over and part of her wished it wouldn’t start, but it did.

Seth honked his horn from behind the van that was tucked between him and them.

Taking the truck out of park, Mitchel began guiding them down the long dirt driveway.

Ryan cupped his hands around his mouth. “Protect one another.”

Melanie watched their temporary home diminish in the rearview mirror.

“Pull over Mitchel, I’m going to be sick.”

Rocks thunked inside the wheel well as he put on the breaks and pulled to the side of the road.

She threw the door open and dropped to the ground bent double. Mitchel was at her side his hand resting on her back. She spit the remains of egg and hash browns from her mouth and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand.

Her mom was just behind Mitchel when she lifted her head.

Mitchel raised his eyebrows.

“I’m fine,” she said.

“You’ve looked so tired the last few days, Melanie. Are you sick?” asked Jennifer.

“No, mom, I’m not sick.”

Death’s Gift


“Life is so short,” Jasper said. He stared off into the distance. Sage words from a seven-teen-year old boy, who has his whole life before him. He turned his steel blue eyes toward me. A longing sadness filled his eyes and clouded his expression.

“It is, but the fact that you realize that now rather than when you are fifty is an opportunity for you to make the most of what you have,” I said. He ran his hand through his short dark brown hair.

“Don’t leave things unsaid, set goals, and clarify your priorities. You’ll be all right,” I said.

This isn’t the first conversation we have had about the end of life, and I’m sure it will not be the last. At least, I hope it is not. Jasper often thinks about death. Some may believe he shouldn’t dwell on something so negative. I disagree. The sooner you realize that you don’t have all the time in the world, the more you will strive to be exceptional now.

Immortality is great as an idea. Immortal beings crop up in many fantasy novels and we love them. How wonderful would it be to have immeasurable time to accomplish all we desire?

How many of the things that we hold dear would lose their value because they and we are infinite? You could put off learning to play the piano, writing a novel, camping with your children, and fishing with your dad until there was nothing remaining.

There are those that find the shadowy specter of death hovering in the fog of the future terrifying instead of inspiring. Rather than allowing the end to scare them into taking full advantage of the beauty and happiness before them, they shut themselves off from the world. Not taking risks, not venturing out of their comfort zone, they sit wasting away. They lock up the little life that they have in a safety deposit box. In doing so, they have already breathed their last breath.

Death is a gift, it places immeasurable value on each and every moment you have. Make them count.

Wandering in the Labyrinth of the Internet

I am Writing

This morning I began listening to Chasing the Bard by Philippa Ballantine, AKA Pip Ballantine, (free on iTunes as a podcast) which is a fantasy novel. I had no idea that you could find such quality writing for on iTunes. The second book in the series is also free and called Digital Magic. I found out about these while listening to The Creative Penn podcast by author JoAnna Penn.

The Creative Penn is full of loads of information on self-publishing, writing, marketing, traditional publishing, and everything you could want to know about becoming an author. It is a wonderful resource. JoAnna has four years of podcasts on her website free for anyone who wants to take a listen. Some of the information from 2010 is a little outdated because the self-publishing market has changed quite a lot over the last four years.

JoAnna interviews various authors and entrepreneurs. I have found them very helpful in navigating the very intimidating world of becoming an author. She also provides a lot of inspiration and hope for me as well. She began her writing career with a non-fiction book and initially wrote while holding down her day job. I started the same way beginning with my memoir Fighting for a Chance to Dream, which has been vacationing in my closet waiting for another edit and me to save the money for a professional editor and book designer (for a cover, maps, and internal formatting).

When I first began writing my memoir, I wanted to go the traditional publishing route, but having learned more about self-publishing I know that it the best path for me and my books. I falsely believed that going the traditional route would save me time, which is a huge commodity in my life, because  I would not have to do the marketing, but the more I delved into the well of information the more I learned that this is just not true. Most agents and publishing houses will not even consider looking at your work if you haven’t spent a year or more marketing it and yourself before publishing. I am sure there are exceptions to this rule, but I didn’t make it through law school and as an ultrarunner with two children in tow believing I was the exception to the rule.

There is so much information about self-publishing and becoming an author on the internet and the various social media sites that it is frankly overwhelming. I’ve tried to put some sort of boundary on where I am getting my information only to maintain my own sanity and sense of control.

Here is a list of the sites I have been relying on for information: (Author JoAnna Penn)

  • Marketing, platform, self-publishing (all aspects), traditional publishing, and craft is sprinkled in here and there. (Author K.M. Weiland)

  • Craft of writing.

  • Flash Fiction Fridays, information about the state of the publishing world and other authors.

From these sites, I explore the sites of authors and others involved in the business of writing. Check them out if you haven’t already. I hope they help you as much as they have helped me.